I’m busy editing a novel (currently titled Labyrinth of the Fallen Angel) that I hope to send off for publication once I finish it. I’ve mentioned it on my blog here before and it’s already undergone a huge overhaul but I still think there’s room for improvement. There are two female leads in this novel and it’s currently written in third person which can make it difficult in terms of pronouns. I find I’m writing a lot of ‘her’, ‘she’ and their names ‘Bryony’ and ‘Francesca’ to try and differentiate and make sure the reader knows who is talking/who I’m writing about. It can get a bit messy and confusing and I’m not sure I’m happy with it.
I’m currently considering overhauling it and changing it to first person. It would be a huge task to undertake but then again, if it makes my work better and would make it easier for the reader, I’m willing to do it (and it’s not the first time either!) Looking for opinions here: What do you think?
So currently it’s in 3rd person and reads as:
3rd person: Over the past few months as Francesca’s relationship broke down and she found comfort in her best friend’s arms, she realised she was beginning to look at her in a different light. No matter how hard she pushed it away or wrote it off as a crush, she knew it was much more than that. “Nothing.” She shook her head, finally catching Bryony’s eye. “And for your information it’s ten.”
Considering changing it to 1st person and it would read something like:
1st person: Over the past few months as my relationship broke down, Bryony was always there to comfort me and as time drew on I realised I was beginning to look at her in a different light. No matter how much I pushed it away or wrote it off as a passing crush, I knew it was much more than that. “Nothing,” I shook my head, finally catching Bryony’s eyes. “And for your information it’s ten.”
I would appreciate any input you have and would like to share with me. It might make my decision easier!